a letter to myself

© Azzari Jarrett On March 26, 2004, I wrote a letter to myself.

At the time, I lived in Chicago and was a newlywed, not sure of what I was doing with my life or where I was going.  I had so many doubts about decisions that I had made about graduate school and my career.  I intended to read that letter in exactly 10 years - on March 26, 2014.  I wrote the date on an envelope, and sealed it.  In my mind, surely I would have myself together in ten years.

Fast forward.  I remember that I wrote the letter, and that this was the year to read it.  I had forgotten the exact date.  Last weekend, while searching in the back of drawer for something random, I found it.  I realized that I was a couple months late, but it was 2014, nonetheless - exactly 10 years after I wrote the letter.

I stopped everything, grabbed a cup of coffee, and sat down to read it.  I smiled at my young self, all of the fears that I had back then seem so trivial now.  The amazing thing is, I am so different from that younger version of myself, but so very much the same.  I was fighting to fit a mold, what I thought I "should be doing" and what everyone else told me I "should be doing".  But all of the pitfalls and peaks and valleys were necessary to get me to where I am today.

I'm far from having everything figured out - but I am a mother now, wiser, and confident in my own skin.  I know my likes, my dislikes, and I certainly don't question every decision I make.  I know that only comes with age, which makes me look forward to getting older.  I now know that motherhood is by far my most rewarding, yet most demanding job I will ever have.  What people think of me is no longer issue for me, and I am so thankful for that.

Simply put, I am blessed and so happy with my life right now.  That's something that I didn't have back then.  And now I realize it is a choice that I make.  Every single morning - to be happy.  And I know that would not be possible without all of the life experiences it took to get me to this point.  I look forward to where I will be in the next 10 years.

Simply put, I love this.  I look back at how much I have grown and changed and I cannot wait to get older and wiser, and even more confident in who I am as woman.   And yes, I plan to sit down and write another letter very soon - to be opened in 10 more years.